she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
