So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We had to coat check the pizza.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
