I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
