Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
