That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
