My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
