You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
