i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
