Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
