Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
