I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
