My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
