I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
