just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
