Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
