Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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