My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
