i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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