i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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