i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
not ubering you a puppy
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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