it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
