talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
