I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
