If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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