So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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