I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
