omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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