i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
