I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
