Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
