mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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