I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
