I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
