Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
