drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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