Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
