I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
