I skipped work to stalk him.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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