just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You are a genius and a whore.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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