I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
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