It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
