Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
