i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
