im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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