My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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