Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
