Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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