My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
