Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP