So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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