Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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