i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
