i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
