You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
