He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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