Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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