so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
