Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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