We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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