That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
