Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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