You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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