The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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