Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
