I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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