Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
