the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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