Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How naked do you want me to be?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
