im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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