Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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