this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
