I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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