dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
