I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
there is another microwave in the elevator.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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