The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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