I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
