I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
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I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize