At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
