I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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